Ugh

There's always so much to learn about yourself in life. I'm only 15 and i'm starting to learn that really you never know who you truly are. Well maybe you do but it takes a lot of self exploration. I've found that it doesn't matter though as long as i can stay true to myself which works sooo well for me.

Poem

There was this
Girl you once knew
with blue hair
you thought she was kool

You wanted to know her
As well as you do your mother

But you never had
the guts to tell her
how you felt about her

She talked to you
and probably thought
you were kool

but she didnt want
you to know the
true her

becuz inside is the
messed up kid tying to hide
it makes you cry when you see
her

so she doesnt show you
that girl who hides

theres so much to say

i cant even begin to tell whats going on in my mind....this summer has been amazing! theres been so much I've done! This will probably be a very long post but i don't want to write in a journal so I'm writing it here and people can actually read this one without me having to chase to out of all my other entries. but here it goes...
I have dreams( i don't like calling them goals) the top ones lately have been to get better at saxophone, Become the sax section leader, and being famous. the last one is why I'm also writing here. I want to be known. I want to be that one girl who people will remember which is pretty easy but i don't really want to be remembered for my hair and my hair only. i want to be remembered for the way i write or some amazing photo or best of all a good friend. that's something else i figured out...its really hard for me to make friends...i don't know why it just is. Its been this way for awhile. Oh and one more other "problem" i have ...God. What if its just something that we all want to believe in but its not true i know that its "wrong" to question your faith but too late I'm already on it. but really I just don't know anymore. I know that i don't want to be atheist but i want something to believe in other than god. cuz i feel like people put too much time and effort into it that it make the whole Christian faith too hard to believe in. maybe its just me and if your reading this and your christian don't get offended. that's also something else about this whole thing. Judgement. Come on! it says don't judge but everyone continues to! I'm just so sick of it. maybe its a good thing I'm going to chic.
I don't know what else i should put here because I'm pretty sure i've done enough ranting to get me in some trouble. so i guess my mark here has been cut.